i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
