Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
