i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's the barista slut.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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