I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Green mimosas i think yes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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