you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
