If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
