please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
