WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
