We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
