She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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