im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
