her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
