haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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