3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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