I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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