Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
