Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
