so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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