My nipple is on Facebook.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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