His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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