thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
