just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Houston, we have a squirter
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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