Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize