Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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