Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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