Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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