So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's official drugs can't kill me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
