69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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