Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize