i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
