I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
