You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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