I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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