I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
