Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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