she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
