My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
