Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
