I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
