I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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