my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
