You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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