I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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