I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She even gives head with a lisp.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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