He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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