Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
