there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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