Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
