i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
