So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
