we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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