Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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