true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.