im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend