Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
