Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"