Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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