I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
