when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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