a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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