He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
