I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We had to coat check the pizza.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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