It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
this hospital has no fireball
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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