Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
