We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
