i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
