I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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