Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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