I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
