Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize