Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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