she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
