Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
porn star boner night. come get it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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